October Is Domestic Violence Awareness Month

For over 40 years our nation has observed national domestic violence awareness month in October. During these years the movement has accomplished many milestones, including improved laws and legislation, dedicated annual funding, the expansion of services across the nation, the adoption of protocols and tools to assess for lethality and improve safety planning, the implementation of a national domestic violence hotline, and so much more. So…I am wondering how and why there is neglect in giving attention and resources to addressing the root of the problem – what is causing the violence in the first place? There are so many factors that contribute to the perpetuation of intimate partner violence, and as someone who has offered training on the myths and facts of IPV, I am ever reminded that these myths are so powerful that they often control the narrative.

One of the first myths I learned to debunk was that violence is normal and just happens – it is not normal and there is choice in using tactics to attain power and control in a relationship. Might our community also have choice in adopting core values that demand and require the prevention of intimate partner violence? Might we require the adoption of measures that address the root cause and focus on learning what it means to have a healthy relationship? Might we prioritize and FUND interventions that address toxic stress and trauma in childhood, economic disparity and distress, gender based inequity, patriarchal control of women’s bodies and decisions – just to name a few? Might we increase and right size resources and funding to service providers so that they do not have to have waitlists or turn away those in need, as well as to law enforcement and prosecutors to give the dedicated time and attention required for fully addressing the criminal justice system needs of these cases? Might we prioritize financial resources to those fleeing – so that they need not flee at all -but be safe and housed as they want and choose? Might we prioritize resources for interventions that are devised to address those who are using violence in their relationships? In Harris County we have seen a tremendous and overwhelming increase in domestic violence felonies and homicides over the past two years, and it continues to grow. Every day a woman is severely injured or killed by an intimate partner. How is this OK?

I have the honor of being part of meetings on a regular basis with people in our community who have dedicated their lives to service. This includes police officers, prosecutors, social workers, and community advocates. Recently one meeting allowed for the sharing of the complete mental, emotional, and physical exhaustion being experienced – leading to questions of how are we really making a difference? Where are the resources that we need to really make a difference? Why do our community leaders not listen to what is truly needed? WE ARE TIRED! Tired of doing this really difficult work and still seeing families devastated, tired of women killed, tired of families being uprooted and homeless, tired of people being unable to access a service or leaving a message hoping someone will call them back, tired of people giving up hope, TIRED. This is UNACCEPTABLE! This month I am reflecting on the many stories of women who have used every ounce of MOXIE to survive, to get through another day, to find a way to accept hope and healing, to find their voice in anyway possible. I am also reflecting on the many people in service, those who work tireless, and thanklessly to try to improve safety and prevent homicides. The work is hard, the days are long, the thanks are few – AND – the need is GREAT, and the ability to effect change is possible – HOPE IS REAL. My sincerest thanks and gratitude for the many that continue this work – THANK YOU!